Personal Reflection 

My decision to enter into this course was not made lightly. Although I have facilitated groups in the past, I did so out of obligation to my employer and admit I should not have done so. The mere thought of group facilitation was anxiety provoking and my automatic response was to freeze, which makes engagement with members rather difficult. I registered for this course with the intention of facing my trepidation and as an attempt to ‘walk the talk’. I recognize that as a counsellor, I cannot expect clients to change or confront their fears if I am not willing to do the same.

With the support of my colleagues who are familiar with this goal, I have been presented opportunities to facilitate professional learning, which has helped increase my confidence. Moving forward, part of my practicum will include co-facilitation of a parenting group. My efforts are beginning to pay off. Yesterday, I was presented with the opportunity to lead a webinar discussing the stigma parents face when their child is diagnosed with a mental illness. To my surprise, I am actually considering accepting this offer, which is includible progress in itself. Two months ago, I would have refused (freezing) or ran (fleeing) such an opportunity.

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One of my biggest takeaways from this course was professor Dawn's words during a Zoom session; "no one has ever died from sitting with red energy" (D. McBride, personal communication June 29, 2018). Although these words were intended for managing conflict within group processes, they meant so much more to me. No one has ever died from facing their  fears. No one has ever died from the anxiety of leadership; no one has ever died from speaking in public. 

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Finally, this course has allowed me to learn to embrace my weaknesses. Without them, personal growth is stunted. Neff (2011) argued that human Imperfection makes "growth and learning possible. Like it or not, the main way we learn is by falling flat on our face, just as we did when we learned to walk" (p. 71).

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My decision to take this course was not my first choice, however it turned out to be my best. It allowed me to become real, and begin to truly understand.